


Maybe We'd Be Better Together

by ellebelle



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Fingering, Happy Ending, I apologize in advance, Lots of kissing, M/M, OT5, Schmoop, blowjob, bottom!Liam, bottom!Louis, firsttime!louis, i'm a bit embarassed i wrote it, lots of feelings, lots of snuggles, so much angst i might want to die, this is really a bit over the top
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-27 12:13:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/661883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebelle/pseuds/ellebelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>paul warned harry and niall the first time he caught them naked together that it was a bad idea. </p>
<p>that it could tear the band apart. </p>
<p>he just didn't think that would actually happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the following kinkmeme prompt:   
> 'All the boys are dating (You can make this gen if u want! I don't mind) But one day a major fight breaks out. It may start with insults and what not, but then turns physical. During the fight, Louis get badly hurt (Knocked unconscious, broken bone, etc.) and everyone freaks out. They take him to the hospital, and while in the waiting room apologize and make up. Maybe when they go see Louis he is scared of them and then.... FLUFF!!'
> 
> General Disclaimers Apply: I don't own anything, I just like pretending that I do. All of this clearly only exists in my mind and not in any plane of reality. If you know anyone tagged above, please don't read this. You'll hate yourself, I promise. 
> 
> Also. If you can get through this very-super angsty chapter, I promise the next chapter will have fluff and smut. I promise! It gets better! 
> 
> Enjoy!

[1]

the truth is, they don't fight a lot. they don't because they can't. 

traveling the world together is hard enough and the sad fact of the matter is that they really only have each other. it's hard to keep in touch with anyone - even family - when they're in different time zones and countries and _continents_. it's hard to keep any relationship going without and _a lot_ of work, and they just - they don't have time for that. there isn't time to keep up with anyone other than their families and girlfriends because anyone else is just extra and in their world extra is just too much. 

so it's imperative that they get along. 

liam is the best at disarming the little snits they occasionally find themselves engulfed in. it happens when niall's being too loud when zayn's trying to sleep. or when louis' won't stop picking at niall just because he's so _stressed_. sometimes it happens when zayn snaps something mean at harry without even thinking or when harry inadvertently triggers louis' jealousy. 

but they're small arguments, and liam stops them easily with a calming hand or a soft command. 

the room will stay tense for a couple of minutes, but then things are done, and it's like nothing even happened. 

the truth is, they'd rather suffer in silence that make anyone suffer with them. 

[2]

they come together, slowly. not as a band because that happened in an almost instant, but for them to be together like this - in harry's mind it seems like it takes forever. 

harry falls for louis first and it's so obvious and embarrassing and he can't do anything about it because of hannah and then eleanor and so he just buries it all inside. 

he doesn't kiss louis first, though, because of hannah and then eleanor, and everything else. 

instead, he kisses niall first, at the end of their american tour. they've been together, as a band, for two years and he can't figure out why it hasn't happened sooner, as he presses niall against the closed door of their dressing room, the others already on the bus, and kisses him like there's no tomorrow. 

it's cliche, the way harry's knees shake, and he has to lean hard against niall's chest, licking into every corner of his mouth. 

it's only the pounding on the door that stops them, paul telling them it's time to get to the wrap part and to 'get a move on'. 

harry pulls away and looks at niall who is flushed and panting and dazed. 

'what the fuck?' niall asks, and harry thinks he's made a terrible mistake. 

'i - i'm sorry.' harry looks at his feet and feels his heart fall out of his chest to the floor. 

'no, haz.' niall shoves him playfully. 'what the fuck took you so long?'

harry laughs at that, and his heart's back and swelling and making him so happy that he _has_ to kiss him again. so he does. 

they're late to the wrap party, but it's okay because niall stays by him all night, fingers grazing his arm, and occasionally circling his wrist, and yeah, this is what harry's been missing. 

it's just not the _only_ thing harry's been missing. 

[3]

when danielle leaves liam, it's in a rush of apologies and tears, and he's left alone in a flat that he thought they'd have _children_ in. 

he doesn't leave or answer his phone or texts or anything for fifty-three hours when he hears the voices outside his door. 

in his head, he knows he should shower and dress and make himself presentable before they get in here, at least start on a shower because he's gross, but he can't make himself do it because his entire body aches with missing her. so he rolls over, buries his face in the corner of the couch and waits for an onslaught of boys torturing him. 

he can hear them fumbling with the lock until they finally get it open, and then there are steps in the hallway and soft voices and if liam could disappear into the fabric of the couch, live the rest of his life as a couch cushion, he thinks he probably would right about now. 

'hey, li?' harry's deep voice whispers as a heavy weight settles next to his feet. 'you awake.'

liam wants to sob at the care in his voice, but instead he just shrugs. 

'lili.' niall's there, too, closer to liam's head. he feels a gentle his on the back of his hair, and that's what breaks him. 

sobs choke out of his chest, and it's not fair because he hasn't cried at all. he hasn't let this get to him, not really. so maybe he didn't leave the flat or change his clothes, or shower or brush his teeth. but he's _okay_ , and it's not fair that these boys come in and their comfort makes him hurt even more because they love him so much and she doesn't love him at all. 

'oh, li.' niall murmurs softly and pulls liam's limp body until he can wiggle him up enough that he's lying against niall's chest, crying into his shoulder. harry lays along his back, whispering into his hair. 

and it's nice and comforting, and that almost makes it worse, the way that these two boys appeared out of nowhere and love him so much, even if he doesn't deserve it. 

he cries and cries, and niall has a huge tear stain, and quite a bit of snot all over his shirt before liam finally finishes. 

'li, why didn't you call?' niall finally asks. 'we'd have come sooner.'

'didn't want to bother you.'

'but we were worried.' harry murmurs, and he sounds concerned, and liam feels _guilty_.

'i'm sorry.'

'hey, no, it's alight.' harry kisses the back of his neck. 'but li, you stink.'

and liam laughs at that, laughs because even though he's hurting so badly, he still has two of the best mates in the world. 

'i know.' liam admits. 

'you need a shower.' niall says, firmly. 'we'll make you some food while you're in there?'

liam tenses at that, fists his hand in the fabric of niall's shirt. 

'hey, it's alright.' niall soothes. 'we're not leaving or anything.'

liam nods, but he's still tense and he can basically feel the other two sharing _looks_ over his head. 

'li, you have to bathe.' harry says gently. 'we'll be here when you get out.'

liam shakes his head and grips niall's shirt more tightly. 

'li…' niall sighs at him. 

'i'm sorry.' liam moans into his shoulder. 'i just - '

'what, li? you have to talk to us.' harry urges. 

'i don't want to be alone.' liam admits, so soft it's barely a breath. 

'oh, li.' niall presses kisses to his head. 

'maybe niall will stay with you while i make you something to eat, yeah?' harry offers. 'would that be alright?'

and yeah, liam knows it's _so weird_ and _so codependent_ and beyond anything they've done before, but he feels like he _needs_ it. needs them. 

so he nods, and harry pushes himself off the couch, reaching for liam's hand. 

liam lets harry pull him up and into a tight hug before niall is dragging him down the hallway. 

'if you take a bath, li, i'll do your hair for you.' niall offers, softly. 

liam didn't realize he wanted it, but yeah, that's exactly what he needs right now, so he nods as they get to the bathroom and niall pushes him gently to sit on the closed toilet. niall runs the water, exactly how liam likes it, hot and steamy, then plugs the tub. 

niall helps him pull his shirt off, and his joggers and pants, and it should be embarrassing when niall's on his knees helping liam step out of his clothes, but it's not because liam is still so sad. 

liam climbs into the water, and it's perfect, warm and comforting and liam finally relaxes a little. niall waits as the tub fills around him then shuts the water off. 

'dunk your head, li.' niall demands, and it's nice that liam isn't making any decisions at all, that for once in his life someone else is taking care of him. 

and the niall's hands are in his hair and it's the most relaxing thing on the entire planet, the way his fingers massage and scratch and liam might even moan a little. then niall's rinsing it and doing it all over again. 

' 'm going to cut it.' liam whispers. it's one of the only things he's thought about in the last fifty-five hours, shaving his head totally bald. 

'if that's what you want.' niall agrees, easily. 'think it'd look smashing, honestly.'

'yeah?' liam looks up, eyes wide. 

'yeah.'

niall soaps up a flannel and hands it to liam, let's him wash himself. when he's finished with that, niall's there waiting with a big, fluffy towel, and liam steps into his arms. niall rubs him dry, till his skin is bright pink, and then hands him a pile of soft clothes, and liam dresses slowly. 

'better?' niall asks, smiling down at him. 

liam nods and holds his arms out for niall again. 

and niall can't say no because he's loves liam so much that it's insane and he wants what he has with harry - he wants to share that with liam, so niall pulls him tight against his chest. 

'any better?' niall asks, softly. 

'actually, yeah.' and liam realizes he's not lying. it's like the bath has washed away some of his negative feelings and he's still sad and lonely, but he actually _does_ feel a little better. 

'i know it fucking sucks, li, but she's a bitch. you know that.' 

and yeah, niall's not exactly wrong. liam loves - loved - loves danielle, but she can definitely be a massive bitch. 

liam giggles lightly, then looks up at niall, and niall's looking down at him and if he just moves his face a little bit and - 

niall is pressing his lips so softly against liam's, it's the best thing he's ever felt. 

'niall?' liam breathes. 'what about -'

'me?' harry asks from the doorway, but he's smiling and that doesn't make sense. he should be angry but he's not and liam can't even focus. 

'i'm so sorry.' liam manages to get out. 'i didn't mean to - '

'li, it's fine, yeah? as long as like - sort of like - '

'haz, just kiss him, mate.' niall is smiling now, pushing liam towards harry, and liam's confused, but then harry's lips are on his and he melts a little bit into harry's arms and there's no confusion only warmness filling his heart. 

when harry pulls away, liam is confused because he's just kissed niall and then harry and is this even something that's possible? but maybe it is because they're both smiling at him, and it's not weird and he'd really like to kiss both of them again, maybe _more_ than kiss them. yeah, he'd really like that. 

'we should talk.' harry offers. 'i've made toasted cheese and soup.'

harry's smiling shyly, and it's kind of how liam feels, and it's nice. it's so nice. 

'yeah, we should talk.' niall agrees, but he's smiling, too, and this is so obviously going to work that it makes liam's heart sing. 

[4]

when zayn and perrie break up, it's not because they don't want to be together, it's just that neither of them can really see forever and so they don't see the point in dragging it out. it's a soft conversation, and they both cry a bit, but zayn desperately wants perrie to be happy, and he knows she won't be with him, so really, it's alright. 

he doesn't tell anyone, let's perrie make the official announcement. she's kind and her words are sweet and maybe people don't believe that they're still friends and they still leave each other, but they do. 

perrie says it in an interview, and he didn't mean to not tell the lads first, but he kind of just forgot. it hadn't come up and she's so much better at it and it's not a think, despite what it might seem like. 

so when his twitter literally explodes, and then twitter actually crashes altogether, he knows she's done the interview and it's aired and it's _official_ now. they've broken up.

he sort of expects the banging on his door. they're in a hotel not far from doncaster, and he's been kind of ill so zayn's just been lying in bed because every time he moves he feels like he's going to hurl. 

it's really a monumental task to get to the door to let the banging monsters in. 

'why didn't you tell me?' liam cries, flinging himself at zayn. 'are you alright? do you want to talk about it? shall we drink your problems away?'

niall is looking as heartbroken as someone whose puppy was just swallowed whole by a shark. 

and harry's just sort of standing there, not really saying anything, but giving zayn this considering look. 

'i'm fine, liam.' zayn sighs, moving so they can all come filing in. 

he's a bit surprised that they've all showed up together and without louis, but then he thinks about it. they've been spending a lot of time together, just the three of them, and it was never a big deal because zayn always had louis, but now that he's actually considering it - it's strange. 

and it's even stranger now that liam's clinging to him, but niall's wrapped himself around harry like an octopus. 

'are you like - together?' zayn asks them, and he wants to be embarrassed but it literally sneaks out. 

all three of the other lads freeze. 

'what?' harry asks, carefully. 

'are you and niall together? like - shagging? or dating?' zayn clarifies. 

'um, sort of.' niall whispers. 'is that like - a problem.'

'is it something we should talk about? as a band?' zayn asks. 'should i be worried about this? liam did you know?'

'sort of yeah.' liam admits, and he reaches out a hand for harry, stealing himself before continuing. 'because like, we're all sort of together.'

it's a revelation, but it's not really. zayn didn't expect it, but maybe he should have. and honestly? it kind of really, really hurts that they didn't say anything and they're all together and it's not like he wants to be part of that but yeah. he sort of does. 

'oh.' is all he says, and they're all kind of quiet. 'well listen.' zayn claps his hands together. 'now you know. i'm not with pezza anymore. but i'm fine. it's fine. so you can all get back to whatever it is that… you… do.'

he sort of waves his hands uncomfortably. 

'zayn…' liam murmurs, reaching for him. 

'it's _fine_.' zayn says, emphatically. 'but this is going to be big news and i'd really just like to deal with this on my own.'

it's not entirely true. what he'd really like is for liam and niall and harry to climb in to bed with him and hold him and tell him that it'll be alright, eventually. 

'but - ' niall starts, eyes wide. 'but we -'

'i said.' zayn snaps. 'i'd like to be alone.'

it's a bit heart wrenching the way niall's and harry's faces fall and liam's closes off so quickly it's painful, and that's not fair because zayn should be the one hurting. he's the one that's just been dumped by his girlfriend and the one who just found out that three of his best mates are in some kind of group relationship, so if anyone gets to hurt, it's him. 

'yeah, then, mate.' liam says, gripping tightly at niall's hands. 'yeah. we'll just go.'

'that'd be ace.' zayn mutters, turning around. he doesn't watch as they shuffle out the door together and doesn't turn around until the door slams shut. 

the solid wood door is like a barrier in his life that zayn can't get over and he collapses on the floor right there and cries. 

it's the kind of crying that wracks his body and makes him ache. it hurts, but it feels good to feel something again after all this time. 

it's just that - zayn thought they were all really close. obviously they're not or liam would have at least _told_ him. and the worst part is, zayn desperately wants to be a part of it. he desperately wants to be a part of them. he's never felt close to a group of lads before, this is the first time, and still it took him so long to feel like he fit in, longer than anyone else, and now there's this. 

so zayn does the only thing he can think of. he calls louis. 

[6]

louis appears at zayn's door and knocks impatiently. zayn had sounded desperate on the phone, and louis had dropped everything to get to him. 

it probably isn't his best decision, as he was in the middle of a massive row with el, and she was in a right fit when he told her he had to go. 

but when zayn swings the door open and throws himself into louis' arms, louis knows he made the right decision. 

'zee, what is it?' louis asks, panicked. 'what's wrong?'

zayn just pulls louis into his room and pushed him towards the bed where they settle together. 

'are you alright?' louis asks. 'did someone die?'

'no.' zayn sighs into louis' shoulder. 'it's just - perrie and i broke up.'

'oh, zee, i'm sorry.' louis presses a kiss to the top of his head. 

'that's not it - ' zayn interrupts. 'it's not a big deal. but niall and harry and liam came to check on me and they're like - together.'

'well, they always hang out together. that's not a big deal.' louis reasons. 

'no. like _together_. like a thing. like dating.'

'what?' louis looks confused, and zayn doesn't know how to be any clearer.

'i said they're dating. all three of them. together.'

'that doesn't even make sense.' louis argues, brows furrowed. 

'it makes perfect sense. when was the last time haz stayed with you?'

'i mean, we've all been getting our own rooms, haven't we?'

'i thought we had.' zayn agrees. 'but three nights ago i went to liam's room and he wasn't there. the night before that, i went to see harry and he and liam were both in niall's room in their pajamas. said they were having movie night. i didn't think about it because you were talking to eleanor -' louis snorts at that, but zayn ignores it. '- and i was talking to perrie. i just - i wanted to talk to harry about breaking up with her but they were busy so i just came back here.'

'they didn't even ask you to stay?'

'they offered, yeah.' zayn admits. 'but they didn't mean it.'

and louis is angry now, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. 

'they can't be a thing.' louis says. 'they can't - '

'but they _are_.'

'well i - i - ' louis gets up and marches to the door. 

'where are you going?'

'to find them!' louis shouts. 'it's not right.'

louis flounces out the door, and zayn follows him down the hall to where he's banging loudly on three doors repeatedly. 

'what are you doing?'

'don't know which room they're in, do i? louis asks, and then stops as liam opens the door to the room that zayn is fairly sure belongs to niall. 

'what the fuck, liam?' louis spits. 'what the fuck is going on?'

'louis, someone is going to hear you.' liam reaches out of the room and pulls louis in, shooting a look at zayn to follow. 

when they're all inside, zayn can see harry cuddling a teary-eyed niall, and zayn feels a little bad. but not that bad because if anybody gets to feel hurt it's zayn and louis. not niall. 

'louis, we wanted to tell you.' harry says, from the couch. 

zayn stays back against the door, settling into watch. angry louis is even more intense that sassy louis, and zayn isn't quite sure exactly _what_ is going to happen.

'you _wanted_ to tell me?' zayn is sort of shocked at the way louis can actually speak in italics. 'you _wanted_ to tell me? then you should have! this is a huge fucking deal.'

and it's kind of shocking that liam is the one that goes chest to chest with angry louis. that's usually harry's job. 

'what you wanted us to tell you that we're all fucking? we're fucking louis! all three of us!'

'did you not think this was something you should have told zayn and me?'

'no. i didn't. you don't tell me who you fuck.'

'i don't fuck anybody.' louis shouts back. 'because i'm fucking gay and i'm dating a bird and so no. i don't fuck anybody.'

and theres a bit of an awkward silence. but then louis is tuning away and his eyes are wild and scared and zayn wants to hold him so tightly and tell him that it'll be okay. 

'lou…' liam grabs at his arm and tries to pull him back, but louis tries to pull free. 

but liam is bigger, he's got massive muscles hidden under his clothes, and louis doesn't stand a chance so he just sort of goes limp and liam tugs hard again. 

that's when louis sort of goes tumbling backwards, and zayn can see exactly what's going to happen before it does and someone is screaming, and it might be him or it could be harry or niall, but no matter how fast any of them move, they won't get there fast enough as louis tips back and his body just sort of flops. 

there's a massive thud as the back of louis' head hits the table, and then a smaller one as his body hits the floor. 

no one moves and zayn can see blood oozing onto the floor and there's still screaming and it's all too much and liam is running for the phone and harry's at louis' feet, niall behind him, hand on his shoulder. 

there's still screaming, and then zayn realizes it really is him and he doesn't have time to think about anything else before the world goes black and he collapses, too. 

[7]

it's really dark, wherever zayn is, and there's crying all around him. he's cold and he can't make out any of the noises, but he thinks he might recognize the voices. 

'zayn?' a soft, slow, deep voice asks. 'hey, mate, can you hear me? open your eyes.'

yeah, zayn thinks, maybe that'd help. he blinks his eyes and they're so heavy. 

'that's it. open them up.' zayn definitely knows that voice, but it sounds so sad and broken. 

zayn blinks again and the light his so bright, he tries to pull his arm up cover them, but something is holding down. he realizes, belatedly, that it's a hand. 

when zayn finally get his eyes open and used to the blinding light, he's looking up at harry. 

'hey there, zee.' harry smiles down at him. 

'what happened?' then zayn remembers watching as louis crumpled and his head smacked the table, the thud that rang out across the room. 'louis?' zayn tries to sit up but three pairs of hands press him down. 

'settle, zayn.' niall says, on zayn's other side across from harry. 'you hit your head, mate, don't move too fast.'

'louis? where is he?'

harry's face falls. 

'is he? no, please don't - no -' panic bubbles through zayn's chest. 

'no, no zee. he's just - he's not allowed to have visitors right now. paul is the only one allowed in there.' niall soothes. 

'what's wrong with him?'

'he's got a severe concussion. and they had to shave most of his hair because he's got a massive cut on his head.' harry says, eyes brimming with tears. 'all his pretty hair, gone.'

'they gave him stitches.' niall continues. 'twenty-seven stitches. and he's not woken up yet, but they said he should soon. and then we'll be allowed to see him.'

'where's liam?'

'right here.' there's a soft voice from the end of the bed, and liam looks so despondent that zayn wishes he hadn't opened his eyes. 

'i want to see him.' zayn says. 'i don't - i want to see louis.'

because these three are the reason they're here. if they hadn't - if they had just _told_ zayn and louis, it wouldn't be like this. 

'you can't right now.' harry reaches down for zayn's hand and he pulls it away. 

'zee.' niall whispers. 'at least let us explain, please?'

zayn can't exactly say no because he can't go anywhere and they don't seem to be going anywhere, either, so he just cross his arms over his chest and stairs at the ceiling. 

'please?' harry whispers. 

'fine.' zayn snaps, rolling his eyes. 

'it started with harry and me.' niall murmurs. 'at the end of the tour. and then when danielle left liam, he just fit in with us.'

'that's a truly touching story.' zayn says. 

'zayn, just stop.' niall is so quiet. 'the thing is, you've been with perrie and we didn't know. and louis - oh, louis. we thought he was happy with eleanor. we didn't tell you because we didn't want to make things uncomfortable for you.' 

zayn understands that, really, but he'd never admit it. 

'but it's not right.' harry adds. 'it wasn't right when it was just niall and me, and it's not right even now that liam's there because it should be all of us. but we couldn't come to you when we thought you were happy with perrie. we couldn't ask you to try this with us. but we wanted to so badly. i promise you with every part of my heart, zayn, that we want you to be with us.'

'so you're proposing we have an orgy?' zayn snaps because honestly, he believes them, but it hurts his heart. 

'it's not like that.' harry's face falls and there is definite sniffing coming from the foot of his bed. 'it's just - it's _us_.' 

'we love you just as much as we love each other.' niall says. 'it's not about the sex, though the sex is nice.'

'i don't - '

'no, listen.' niall continues. 'you have to admit you've felt it, i know you have. this band - we're more than just a boy band. and i thought we were like family, but it's more than that, too. we _belong_ together. the five of us.'

zayn is silent, mulling it in his mind, but the truth is it's not something he needs to think about. they're totally and completely correct. being with them doesn't even seem like it'd be a relationship, it'd just be like coming home. 

zayn looks down the bed at liam who is looking at zayn like his entire life is hanging in the balance, like he's a man on death row and zayn holds the power to appeal. 

so zayn reaches his arms out and beckons liam to climb into his bed. 

'i can't -' liam says, but zayn just makes grabby hands and liam caves, eyes finally spilling with tears as he scampers up the bed and tucks himself against zayn's chest. 

'i'm so sorry.' liam sobs against him. 

'i'm not angry.' zayn whispers. 'i guess - i guess i was hurt. you didn't _tell_ me and we do everything together and i've always wanted…'

'always wanted what?' harry presses. 

'i just -' and zayn can't help the blush that's burning his entire body. 'i always wanted all of us to be together.'

'all of us?' niall asks, eyes wide. 

'all of us.' zayn agrees. 

and then harry is smiling, and niall is laughing softly, and liam's body relaxes against him. 

'but it's not all of us, is it?' zayn asks. 'not without lou.'

'we'll get him as soon as we can.' harry promises. he presses a sweet kiss to zayn's forehead, and zayn nuzzles closer to liam. they can't get close enough to each other, can't get enough safety from the only people int heir lives that understand. 

[6]

louis wakes up in a bright white hospital with paul snoozing beside his bed. his limbs are heavy and his head if thumping with his heartbeat, and it's toomuchtoomuchtoomuch, and he just wants to hurl. 

instead he shoves at paul's hand where it's lying in the edge of the bed until paul blinks leerily at him. 

'hey there, lou.' paul smiles sweetly and louis remembers why paul is sometimes his favorite person in the world. 'how're you feeling?'

'like someone bashed my head in with a hammer' louis admits. 

'do you remember what happened?' paul looks hesitant and it's _weird_. paul is strong and sure and takes care of louis. 

'sort of.' louis admits. 'i don't want to talk about it.' 

'they're waiting to see you, you know.'

'they're not here.'

'they're in zayn's room. i was the only one allowed in here. you're in icu, you know?'

'why are they in zayn's room? why does zayn have a room? why am i in intensive care? i'm fine!' louis sits up, quickly, and the dizziness hits him so suddenly he thinks he might puke. 

'settle.' paull places a strong against louis' chest and pushed him back down, and that's the paul that louis remembers. 

'but - '

'zayn is fine.' paul interrupts. 'he passed out when he saw the blood and hit his head, too. but it's nothing serious. they've just been keeping an eye on him. he could probably leave now, but it's easier for me to keep them all in there. they can't get lost if they think zayn has to stay there.'

'i want to see him -'

'and you, lou, can't go anywhere. until at least tomorrow.'

'but i -'

'you've got twenty-seven stitches and a hairline fracture in your skull, louis.' paul looks so worried that louis stops moving, body limp.

'oh.'

'yeah.' paul sighs. 'you'll be fine, but they want to watch you for a bit. you've got a severe concussion. can't you feel it?'

louis just sort of shrugs because he _can_ but he wants zayn and he won't admit that his head feels like it's being hit repeatedly with a shovel. 

which is nothing compared to the way his heart feels like it's being ground into the earth by the heel of niall's ugliest white sneakers. 

'lou?' paul asks, softly. 'you okay?'

'i want my zee.' louis mumbles softly. 'i want my zee.'

paul just nods. 'i'll see what i can do.'

he squeezes louis' hand gently and gets up to leave. 

louis closes his eyes and lets the darkness overtake him. 

[7]

the next the that louis is aware of anything, there's soft voices all around him and he feels really overwhelmed before he even opens his eyes 

when he finally drags his eyelids away from his corneas, all the boys are there, and paul, and louis has to swallow several times before he can get anything out. 

part of it is because he stills feels like death on a cracker. 

the other part is because zayn has liam on his lap and is running a hand soothingly down his back, lower than is quite appropriate. 

'lou!' harry calls, when he realizes that louis' eyes are open. 

'get out.' louis manages to spit out. 'get out of my room. all of you.' he doesn't look at them, closes his eyes against the hurt looks because he hurts and he aches and they're nothing. 

'but - ' niall starts.

'get out of my god-damn room.' louis shouts and then grabs at his head because there's a pain that makes his vision go white. 

'louis - ' zayn starts. 'are you alright?'

'get away from me.' he sobs and everything hurts and he'd give anything for the darkness again. 

'boys, you should go.' paul says, firmly, and there are sniffles that sound frighteningly like liam, who doesn't _ever_ cry. 'wait in the hallway and i'll be out in a moment.'

there's complaining and shuffling and louis' waits until he hears the door close. 

'lou?' paul ask, gently. 'can i get you anything?'

'take them away.' louis murmurs. 'please.'

'louis, you said you wanted them here.'

louis starts to roll his eyes, but it just makes his head ache even more. 'i said i wanted zayn. now i don't want any of them.'

'i'll send them back to the hotel. you'll have to stay until tomorrow. you're sure you don't want to see them?'

'i said,' louis snaps. 'that i want them gone. don't ask me again.'

paul sighs and heads out into the hallway. there are loud voices and louis' door starts to open before someone slams it shut and louis' heart aches. 

he rolls over and curls under the blankets and tucks a hand under his head. 

that's when he feels the bare, soft skin, and suddenly he can't breathe all over again. 

[8]

no one else bothers him. paul sits with him for the next thirty hours before louis is finally allowed to leave. 

louis doesn't speak to paul, doesn't acknowledge that paul is there. he calls his mum, three times to talk her out of coming, and talks to his sisters. eleanor calls and wants to talk about everything, but he tells her it's done. he can't lie anymore and he's tired of everything. 

when the doctor finally tells him he can leave, he takes the clothes that paul holds out with a tiny growl and refuses to sit in the wheelchair the nurse tries to take him outside in. 

it's not until they're in the car, halfway back to the hotel that paul's finally had enough. 

'listen, louis.' paul starts and louis stares steadily out the other window. 'you don't have to speak to me, i don't care. you don't have to talk to the boys when we get back, but you should know that they've been terrified for you. they love you. you're _family_ \- '

'i have a family.' louis finally snaps. 'that i'll be returning to as soon as i can get away from all of you.'

'i didn't even do anything.' paul sighs, but he used to this louis that gets his feelings hurt so easily. 'but you do what you think you need to do. but all four of them waited in the lobby of the hospital until about fifteen minutes before we left. liam _cried_ louis.'

'because he almost killed me!' and louis knows that it wasn't liam's fault, at all, but he's hurt and angry and he doesn't care. 

'oh he did not.' paul snarks right back. 'you pushing them away isn't going to fix anything. i don't pretend to understand you're creepily weird relationships, but they love you and they're worried about you, and just want to help you.'

'shut up.' louis mutters. 

the rest of the ride is deathly silent, not even the radio is on. 

louis stomps into the hotel, when he gets there, and goes back to his room which he's expecting to be empty. 

but it's not. of course it's not. 

he swings the door open and his head is aching again, and he just wants to crawl into bed and stay there. forever. but he can't because sitting along the edge of it is zayn, looking sad and passive and louis wants to kick him. hard. maybe in the head. 

instead he just walks into the bathroom and lock in behind him. he stands with his back to the mirror because he refuses to look at a giant gash on his scalp. he breathes harshly and he knows that means a panic attack is coming, so he folds his knees up to his chest, and hopes it's enough. 

eventually there's a soft knock on the door. 

'lou?' zayn calls gently. 'come out here, please.'

louis wants to tell him no, but he can't because his chest is _tootightootightootight_ and he _cantbreathecantbreathecantbreathe_. so instead he reaches up and flicks the lock. 

zayn calls again, even more gently, and louis just knocks at the bottom of the door and hopes he gets it. 

he does, and the for swings open. louis is secretly incredibly grateful to watch zayn fall to his knees in front of him. 

'breathe, louis.' zayn commands, firmly. 'deep breaths.' zayn breathes along with him, stares into louis' eyes, and louis wants to be mad but as his chest finally relaxes, he's just _thankful_.

when louis can finally release the arms wrapped around his knees, he leans back against the sink and stares at the ceiling. 

'what was that?' zayn is soft and kind, and settles on the floor, his head just to the side of louis' thigh, but not touching. 

'a thing.' louis mumbles. zayn is the vain one, and louis absolutely will not admit that he's worried he'll be horribly disfigured. 

zayn just sighs. 'what kind of thing?'

'doesn't matter.' louis curves his body away from zayn. 

'lou.' 

'you should go.' louis says, suddenly. 'they're probably waiting for you somewhere.'

'they're waiting for you.' zayn says, fiercely. 'i didn't get it either, but louis, think about it. doesn't that sound like something you want?'

'to sleep with four people that are a million times better than i am? that i don't deserve and obviously don't want me? that didn't even trust me enough to _tell_ me? that i didn't trust enough to tell i was gay? no, zayn, that's not really what i want.'

'you don't - you don't trust us?' zayn is so quiet and louis actually feels better that maybe zayn hurts more than he does right now. 

then he desperately hates himself for ever thinking that. 

'i would have told you if i did, wouldn't i?' louis snaps, snarkily. 'can you just go now?'

'yeah. i can.' zayn's voice cracks and louis refuses to move until he hears the careful clicking of the hotel door closing shut. then he gets up and moves to his bed, and calls his mum. 

'hello? louis, is that you?' she answers. 

'mhmm.' he murmurs back. 

'oh, baby, how are you?' jay emends, sweetly. 

'back at the hotel.' louis tries to keep the shaking out of his voice. 

'lou, what's wrong?' 

louis immediately feels bad for calling her. 

'i need to come home.' he whispers. 'i - can i come home?'

'lou, you can always come home. you belong here. but what about tour?'

'i don't care about tour. i don't care about them.' 

'what happened?'

'i just want to come home.' he's crying now, and that's not fair to his mum and he _knows_ that, but he can't stop. 

'are you sure? i could come to you, if it's that bad. bring phoebe and daisy.'

it's tempting, but he can't do that to them. 

'no, i just want to come home.'

'alright. i'll call paul and get a car set up for you. okay?'

'mhm.' louis' head is aching, terribly, and he just wants to curl up next to his mum and stay there forever. 

'stay in bed, lou, and just throw your things together when its time to leave. but rest until then.'

'yes, mum.' louis agrees. 

'i love you, louis.' she murmurs before hanging up. 

'i love you, too, mummy.' he responds, just as softly. 

when he clicks he phone off, he rolls over and knows that - for now at least - his mum will take care of everything. 

paul knocks on his door about an hour later to tell him that the car is downstairs. paul looks at him with sad, concerned eyes. 

'i just need a couple days.' louis says. 'till this heals a bit. then i'll be back.' he promises. 

'is that really why you're going?'

'yes.' louis states firmly as he throws his stuff back into his suitcase. 'i'll meet you wherever we're supposed to be in a couple of days.'

paul just sighs. 'i can't make you stay?'

'obviously not.'

paul sighs again, but grabs louis' bags as they walk out of the room. 

'come back soon, lou.' paul says as he's loading louis' bags. 'can you promise me that?'

louis nods and then, on a whim, hugs paul tightly. 

'i'll see you in a couple of days.' louis promises, and then climbs into the car. 

paul stands on the sidewalk and watches louis drive away. he doesn't realize when harry steps up beside him. 

'paul? what was that?' harry asks, eyebrows furrowed. 

'louis went home for a couple of days.'

'he left?' harry's shocked and paul doesn't want to look at him. 

'he's ill, harry.'

'he left us.' harry sobs. 'he really left us.' 

paul turns to look at harry and he looks young and fragile and so wretchedly sad that paul wants to fix it all. 

but he warned niall and harry at the beginning, the first time he walked in on the two of them naked, that if they weren't careful it might tear the band apart. 

he just didn't think it would actually happen. 

but now it looks like it has.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> liam is so genuine, so honest, that it's painful. he's got those big puppy dog eyes that brim with tears that never fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Basically I've never written smut with more than two people. I think it turned out alright. Also. I have no idea where the last little bit came from, but I just had MASSIVE Harry/Liam feels. So. I guess that's like a thing for me now. 
> 
> Anyway. Enjoy!

[10]

when louis gets home, his mum is waiting for him with an enormous hug and a cup of tea. she doesn't ask questions, just holds him close and presses gentle kisses along his forehead. 

'oh lou.' she breathes, and louis is incredibly glad he came home. 

'missed you.' he snuggles against her as the settle on the couch, and it's like being a child again. 'where're the girls?'

'school, lou.' his mum laughs. 'they'll be home soon, though.'

'can't wait.' he smiles at the though of them appearing. 

'are we going to talk about it before they get home? are you going to tell me?'

louis just shrugs and snuffles into her shoulder. 

'boo-bear.' 

'stop that.' louis teases her. 'you've created an international monster with that one.'

'but really, lou, what's going on?'

louis sighs. 'you can't freak out.'

'did you get someone pregnant?'

'no.' he laughs a bit. 'no. i didn't.'

'alright, no freak out then.' she promises. 

he opens his mouth to talk when there's a soft knock on the door. 

jay leave louis curled under a blanket on the couch to answer it. louis can hear soft voices, but he just buries his face in the pillows and tries to ignore the voices. 

when he feels a heavy weight at his feet, he just assumes it's his mum. 

'who was it?' louis asks, not looking up. 

'it's me, lou.' 

louis turns, suddenly, then grabs at his head as the movement sends a sharp flash of pain behind his eyes. 

'careful.' liam murmurs, reaching out to steady him. 

'what are you doing here.' louis demands, pulling away from him. 

'wanted to talk to you.' liam shrugs. 'needed to apologize.'

'for what?' louis crosses his arms over his chest and leans away against the far side of the couch, allowing plenty of space to separate them. 

'it's my fault you fell - i didn't mean - i'm just so sorry.'

'it wasn't your fault.' louis mumbles. 'it was an accident.'

'but it was and i - '

'as angry as i am, i know you wouldn't physically injure me on purpose.'

'i wouldn't hurt you in any way on purpose, lou.' liam is so genuine, so honest, that it's painful. he's got those big puppy dog eyes that brim with tears that never fall. 

but louis doesn't say anything, just looks at him. 

'when dani left me…' liam takes a deep breath. 'when dani left me, niall and haz came and took care of me. i didn't mean to be broken, but i was. and they came to me and put my pieces back together.'

'that's really great for you liam. honestly. i'm really happy for all of you.' louis snaps. 

'i wasn't finished.' liam looks up at him through wet lashes. 'niall and harry put all these pieces back together and it was better. i was better. but i wasn't whole. because there were two giant pieces missing from what we had. a big zayn shaped spot and an even bigger louis shaped gaping hole.'

louis just looks at him. 

'i know that's a lot to take in and maybe we should have told you. but how was i supposed to say, oh by the way lou, i'm shagging niall _and_ harry. wanna join in? we thought you were straight. you never gave any hint of being anything other than madly in love with el.'

'i gave you _love bites_.' louis whines. 'was that not a clue?'

'honestly?' liam asks, dumbfounded. 'that was you telling us you were gay?'

'well… no.' louis sighs. 'it's just - '

'i should have known.' liam sighs. 'i'm so sorry that i didn't.'

'no, it's - i didn't tell you or anything.' louis blushes because he doesn't want liam to feel bad for something so out of his control. 'i should have told you.'

liam holds his arms out and louis scrambles into them in a heartbeat. 

'lou, i love you.' liam whispers against his neck. 'so much.'

'i love you, too.' murmurs. 

and they stay that way for a while, until jay clears her throat from the doorway. 

'would you two like some tea?' she asks, when they look up at her. 

louis shakes his head. 'i'm tired.' he whines, nuzzling at liam. 

'take a nap, lou. you know the girls won't let you sleep when they get here.'

louis nods slowly and stands, but he grabs liam's hand and pulls him with him. 

'we're just going to lay down for a bit, then.' louis says firmly, squeezing liam's fingers. 'get me up before they get home, though, i want to be down here to surprise them, yeah?'

jay just nods and smiles like louis always takes boys to his room, and watches happily as liam trails behind a much happier louis. 

 

[11]

when they get to louis' old bedroom, louis pushes liam down onto the bed, and lays next to him, so there bodies are flush together. louis tucks his head onto liam's shoulder and throws his arm across liam's tummy. 

'where're the others?' he finally asks. 

'still at the hotel.' liam admits, and he looks guilty. 

louis' entire body stiffens. 

'because they don't want me?' he asks so softly that he's not sure liam can even hear him. 

'no, lou. definitely not.' liam says, quickly. 'they just - i didn't tell them i was leaving.'

'why not?'

'i don't know.' liam sighs and reaches a hand up to rub at the soft skin of louis' now shaved head, far enough from the bandages that he won't hurt him. 

'because zayn hates me.' 

'he doesn't hate you. he's worried about you and you hurt him. you hurt all of us when you said you didn't trust us.'

'but you didn't trust me.' louis whispers, and he doesn't want to fight again because for the first time in ages he feels safe and _loved_ and he doesn't want to give that up.

'we do trust you, louis. we didn't want you to feel pressured into anything and we didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. i had no idea that instead you'd feel left out.' 

'well of course i do. you're all shagging! and i can't even pull a decent bloke because it wouldn't be fair to el!'

'why're you with el?'

'what?' louis' startled at the sudden change of conversation. 

'why are you with el?' liam asks again. 

louis sighs, his breath ghosting across liam's collarbone. 

'i… i don't know.' louis admits. 'it made sense.'

'why?'

'because i didn't want to be the 'token gay boy'. i didn't want to be the reason that girls didn't come to our concert.'

'is that what you thought?'

louis just sort of shrugs.

liam nuzzles against him. 'i'm sorry, lou.'

'me, too.'

they're both quiet. 

'louis. i love you.' liam murmurs sweetly. 

'replay.' louis breathes.

'i love you.'

'replay.' 

'i love you.' liam is smiling, now, and louis' looking up at him with a beautiful smile.

liam can't help himself, and really it'd be unfair to expect him to. he just leans down and kisses louis, softly at first, and then a bit harder. louis smiles against him, and then when liam licks against the seal of his lips, he opens them so their tongues can brush against each other. 

when louis moans, softly, liam adjust them so that liam is straddling his hips, can use both his arms to frame louis' head as he licks into his mouth. as they kiss, louis lets one hang rub at liam's short hair, and uses the other to grip at one strong bicep. 

when liam pulls back, louis groans. 

'don't stop.' he begs, trying to pull liam back down. 

'lou, you're exhausted.'

'i'm not.' louis whine, but he interrupts himself with an enormous yawn, and it's really a bit embarrassing. 

'louis.' liam says, firmly. 'you've been through a lot you know?'

'i know.' louis admits, and he is tired, but he's afraid if he closes his eyes, when he opens them liam will be gone. 

liam lays back down next to him, and pulls him close. 

'sleep now.' liam demands, softly. 'i'm not going anywhere.'

louis' fists his hands in liam's shirt. 

'promise.'

'i promise. i love you.'

'i love you, too.' 

and louis, for the first time in ages, falls asleep feeling comforted and loved. 

 

[12]

when louis wakes up, he's alone, and it's the single most painful moment of his life. especially when he reaches over and the bed next to him is still warm. 

liam promised that he'd never leave, but he did and now louis is alone, again. he's always alone. he fucks up every good thing he's ever been give, including this band, now. 

except - he can sort of hear talking downstairs. and it _sounds_ like liam, but louis can't tell who he's talking to. 

he gets up slowly, his head is aching and he hasn't taken his medications in hours, so he moves torturously slowly. 

by the time he gets to the bottom of the steps, louis can hear the other lads talking. 

'he's ill, niall. i'm not going to wake him up. and he's scared and lonely. i don't want you to overwhelm him.'

'but you can't steal him.' niall whines. 'you know the rules. you can't keep him to yourself. it's not _fair_.'

'we love him just as much as you do.' harry adds. 

'i know.' liam promises. 'i'm not hiding him.'

louis can see niall sort of deflate and liam reaches out for him, hugging him to his chest. 

'i haven't seen him in days.' niall says, sadly, and it's enough for louis to step forward. 

'they can come in, li.' he calls, moving to the couch. 

'lou!' harry calls and launches himself at louis. 

liam grabs him around the waist and stops him. 

'gentle, harry.' liam warns, and niall sneaks around them, reaching for louis. 

louis let's niall hug him, runs his fingers through the short hair at the base of the blonde's neck. 

'you left us.' niall whispers, nuzzling at louis' neck, pressing kisses there. 

'we should talk.' liam says, firmly, taking charge. he ushers them all towards the couch and zayn hangs back, staring at louis with sad, hurt eyes. 

louis doesn't realize until he's already on the couch and he looks back at him. 

'zee?' louis asks, reaching a hand out. 'will you… will you sit with me?'

zayn nods, eyes softening and he's clearly trying to hide a smile as he moves to the couch and settles in next to louis. he tucks himself tightly to louis' side, and tucks his fingers into louis' collar, brushing at his skin 

'i didn't get cuddles yet.' harry whines. 'when's it my turn?'

'cuddle with liam.' zayn says 'i get him right now.'

'we could _share_.' harry offers. 'niall, move.'

'no!' niall says from louis' other side. 'you and zayn got cuddles the whole way here and i had to sit next to paul. i get louis cuddles now.'

'leeeeeyyyummmmmm.' harry whines. 

'come on, haz.' liam holds out his arms from the arm chair, and harry begrudgingly settles in next to him. 

'so.' louis says. he's not looking at anyone, but his fingers betray him as they wiggle their way under the hem of zayn's shirt to press at the skin of his back. 

'are you alright?' niall finally asks, looking intently at louis' head. 'is it awfully sore?'

louis just shrugs. he'd forgotten that his head was hurting when he saw the boys, but the pounding is back with a vengeance. 

'did they give you anything?' zayn asks. 

'yeah. it's in my bag.' louis admits. 

'do you want me to get it?' liam offers. 'make some tea?'

'already done.' jay's in the doorway from the kitchen looking at all of them, speculatively, with a tray. she puts it on the table, hands louis his, then digs through his bag for him until she finds his pill bottle. 

then she turns to louis. 'now i'm going to go get your sisters from school a bit early.' she says. 'and we're going to get a late lunch. so we'll be home in a couple of hours., yeah?'

'mum, you don't have to. i'd like to see them.'

'you're not going anywhere.' jay says. 'not for the next three days at least. maybe longer.' she turns to the others. 'and as long as you don't affect his healing, you're more than welcome to stay, too.' she offers. 

harry jumps up and hugs her. he's her favorite - maybe even more than louis. 

'no fighting while i'm gone.' she demands as she makes her way to the front door. 'and i'll text you when we're on our way back.'

louis just nods. 'love you, mum.' he calls after her. 

'love you, too, louis.' 

when she closes the door behind her, the room is silent. 

 

[13]

the room is awkwardly silent after jay closes the door. zayn plucks the bottle out of louis' hand and opens it. 

'how many?'

'two.'

'for how long?' harry wants to know. louis feels bad because harry's dealt with a lot of people with addictions, and louis can see the worry on his face. 

'just a couple of days.' louis smiled. he downed the pills with his tea, and held the warm mug in his cold hands. 'ill switch to paracetamol tomorrow, though, i think.' 

harry's face relaxes at that. 

'is it terrible?'

'it hurts.'

'i'm sorry.' liam says again, staring morosely into his own tea. 

'li, we talked about this, remember.' louis whispers. 'not your fault.'

'we've got other things we need to discuss.' niall says, firmly. 

'well go on then, if you're so sure.' harry teases at him. 'you start, then.'

'louis. you should know that hazza and i have been together since the end of up all night tour. and liam started with us -'

'after danielle. yeah he said.'

'but it wasn't because we didn't want you.' niall says, sliding his free hand onto louis' thigh and squeezing lightly. 'never because we didn't want you. but we didn't want you to think it was weird, and we wanted you to be with us but we didn't want to pressure you.'

'lou, i love you more than anything.' harry says. 'more than anyone - except maybe the others because i love you all the same more than anyone.' 

louis tries to hide his smile. 

'and they explained things in the hospital.' zayn is whispering against his neck, the breath hot tickling and louis wants to hold onto this moment forever. this moment where they're all open and sharing and honest and full of love. 'i was waiting for you to wake up so that i could tell you.' 

'we love you, lou.' liam says. 'i mean, i love all of you so much that sometimes i can't remember what it's like to not be in love with your best mates. and i wonder why we didn't start all of this _sooner_. and all i want to do is tell all of you all the time how much you mean to me.' when liam finishes, he's blushing bright red, and louis really can't hide his smile anymore. 

'so this is it?' louis asks. 'this is a thing?'

'it's so a thing that i basically can't even take it.' harry agrees. 'it's going to be a better thing when we can take you home and give you exactly what you deserve.'

'which is?' louis asks. 

'my cock.' niall shouts, loudly. 'obviously.'

all the tension is gone, then, and they all laugh, zayn burying his face in louis' shoulder and louis leaning against niall, and harry and liam curled tightly together. 

'if you want us.' liam says when they've settled down. 

louis just sort of shrugs and pretends to think about it for a moment. 

'lou?' harry finally asks, sounding concerned. 

'of course i want you.' louis smiles brightly. 'i want you forever.'

the others can't hold back their smiles, either. 

 

[14]

by the time that jay gets home with the girls, louis' back in bed. harry and zayn are with him, whispering softly over his sleeping head, but niall and liam are downstairs. the door swings open and a pile of girls rush in talking and texting and just generally full of life. lottie notices them first, and squeals, throwing herself at liam. the rest follow until they're all piled on the couch. 

daisy is the first to actually speak, though. 

'where's louis?' she asks, with the same wide eyes that louis has. she looks a bit scared, and liam instantly is concerned. 'did something else happen? is he alright?'

'he's fine.' niall assures her. 'he's actually upstairs sleeping.'

'am not.' louis calls from the bottom of the steps. 'who could sleep through that mess?'

harry and zayn are behind him and there's another round of squeals and hugs, and it's the sweetest thing that liam has seen, maybe ever. louis scoops phoebe up in his arms and moves to the couch. niall and liam move, immediately, and then louis is there, with all his sisters, and he couldn't be happier. 

'how long are you here?' fizzy asks, reaching around daisy to run finger over his newly shorn hair. 

'couple of days at least.' louis says. 

'all of you?' lottie looks at the others. 

'if you'll have us.' niall shrugs. 'thought we'd hang around for a bit. torture some little girls.'

daisy laughs a bright tinkling thing that makes louis regret ever leaving home, and it makes louis' heart sore and crash at the same time. 

'you could stay forever.' phoebe offers, nuzzling at his shoulder. 'you'd never have to go again.'

' wish i could, phoebes.' he murmurs, softly. 'you know why?'

'why?' phoebe's eyes are bright and happy when she looks up at her only brother. 

'cause baby you light up my world like nobody else.' he sings, and the girls all laugh, and harry throws a pillow at him. 

'you're so lame.' harry says, but hides his smile in niall's shoulder. 

'i liked it.' phoebe whispers softly, a secret just between the two of them. 

and louis always knew she was his favorite. 

 

[15]

they spend four beautiful days at louis' house, all of them, together. by the time they're finally packing up to leave, louis' head is mostly done aching all the time, and he honestly believes that he's found the people he's meant to spend the rest of his life with. 

at least until he stands next to the waiting van with an impatient paul in the driver's seat. the other boys are already settled inside, with a seat left open for louis between zayn and liam, but he's looking back at where the girls are standing together on the porch. 

'one moment, yeah?' louis calls to paul, walking back to the girls.

'did you forget something?' lottie calls as he approaches. 

'yeah.' he stops in front of them. 'just - i love you lot, okay? and i know i'm not around enough, but loving you - that will never change. and you can call me, always, and i promise, promise that i'll always answer.'

daisy throws herself into louis' arms, and he hugs her tightly, and then the others as well. 

'i love you, too, louis.' fizzy promises, kissing his cheek. 

'me, too! i love you!' phoebe beams up at him. 

'we all love you.' lottie says, and she hugs him again. 'just - don't wait so long to visit next time, yeah? we _miss_ you.'

louis nods and kisses all their foreheads before he turns back to the waiting van and climbs in between zayn and liam. he watches the girls wave as they pull away, and he waves back until they turn the corner and he can't see them anymore. 

'okay?' zayn asks, pressing tightly to louis' side. 

'mhm.'

liam leans over and presses kisses along louis' hairline. 

'we can visit again, soon, lou.' niall calls from the back. 'couple of weeks we have a weekend off, i think.'

'i'll go, ya'll don't have to. don't you want to see your own families?'

'mines too far away.' niall shrugs. 

'my mum's coming next week.' harry replies. 

'we'll be in wolverhampton for promo the week after.'

'i'd rather be with you.' zayn snuggles a bit closer. 

louis' never felt so content in his entire life. 

'but first…' harry whispers, leaning over the back of the seat. 'we're gonna take you home and rough you up.' 

he licks a stripe up the side of louis' neck, and yeah. this is where louis belongs. 

 

[16]

they go back to london. paul has packed up their hotel rooms and taken all their things back to the city, and really they just all want to be home, so they go to harry's place. 

when they get inside, liam makes tea and louis flops onto the couch, rubbing at his temples. 

'need anything?' zayn asks, settling next to him. 

louis just shrugs. 

'paracetamol?' harry offers. 

'yeah, that'd be good.'

niall leaves to get it for him, and louis lets zayn pet at his hair until liam and niall reappear. 

'should we like - talk about this?' liam asks, softly, settling on the floor in front of louis. 

'talk about what?'

'like - what you're expecting? i mean - i don't know.' liam blushes. 'i just - _not_ talking is what got us into trouble before, isn't it?'

'i'm not really expecting anything.' louis shrugs. 'are you?'

'but like, do you want to like… take or give and like - '

'did this turn into a sex talk?' harry asks. 

'sounds like it mate.' niall ruffles at harry's curls. 

'it's just that maybe we should _think_ about these things before we all jump into bed together. like - do you want to be with all of us? because sometimes it's all of us but sometimes it's just some of us. and we don't want to overwhelm you. and do you expect condoms because we've all been tested together, except you and zayn, and we don't really use them. and like - is it going to be weird when all five of us are together? because i want it, i do, but i can't imagine how that will even work and i -'

'liam, stop.' zayn says firmly. 'we'll figure it out. and i'm clean, too, so you don't have to worry about me.'

'me, too.' louis offers. 

'and it's not going to be that different.' niall squeezes liam's hand. 'it'll just be more cocks, won't it?'

'eloquent, niall.' harry laughs. 'but he's right, we'll figure it out. we figure everything out.'

liam just nods, blush still staining his cheeks. 

'are you nervous?' louis asks, incredulous. 'after being with three boys, you think fours too much?'

'no i just - i don't want to mess it up.' liam fiddles with his shoelace. 

'li, you're not going to mess it up.' louis looks up at him. 'you're not going to.'

liam just looks a bit scared, and louis leans up and kisses him, gently. 

'if we're going to do this, can we at least do it in my bed?' harry sighs. 'it's plenty big.'

'yeah.' liam breathes against louis' lips. 'yeah, we can.'

 

[17]

harry makes them clean up their tea, first, and demands that louis takes the paracetamol. then he leads the way to his bedroom, and louis sort of surprised at how _big_ harry's bed is. it's definitely not the same bed that harry has when they shared a flat, because this thing is massive. louis could lay on one side and liam could lay on the other, and even all the way stretched out, they might not touch. there's no room for any other furniture in the room, except a nightstand squeezed in one corner, and a tv on the wall across from the bed. 

'you haven't got a dresser.' louis says, mouth hanging open. 

'it's all in my closet.' harry smiled brightly. 'it's like a movie in there!'

louis just sort of nods, dumbly, doesn't even realize that the others are all stripping off until niall flops onto the bed totally naked. 

'you coming?' niall asks brightly. 'or are you just going to watch?' he's already stroking himself, lightly, and still smiling up at louis. 

louis still doesn't move, and harry steps towards him. 

'lou? is this - if you don't want this, that's okay.' harry whispers at his ear. 'we won't be angry.'

'no - i do.' louis breathes. 

'then what's wrong?'

'overwhelming.' louis blinks several times, tries to shake the confusion out of his head. 

'need help?' zayn is at his other side immediately. 

louis just nods, and zayn presses soft kisses to his neck. harry slides his hands under louis' shirt and pulls it up over his head. zayn pulls away to give him enough space to get it off, and louis' hands get a bit tangled, but then zayn is pressed against louis' chest and licking sweetly into louis' mouth. he let's his hands run up louis' arms and into his hair, holding him into place. 

'zayn.' harry whines, beside them. 'you have to share.'

zayn pulls away, and louis is a bit dazed, so zayn uses one palm to push louis' face towards harry. 

'your turn.' zayn murmurs. 

when harry's got louis fairly distracted, zayn reaches down and flicks the button on louis' trousers, pulls the zip, and pushes his trousers to his knees. he leaves his pants, though, and zayn falls to his own knees so that he's even with louis' crotch. he can see louis firming up right in front of him and zayn just really, honestly can't stop himself as he leans forwards and mouths at louis' cock through the thin cotton. 

'nurhg.' louis groans above him, pulling back from harry. 'zayn.'

a quiet hum is zayn's only response as he suckles at the head of louis' cock, until harry reaches down and pulls him towards his own cock. 

'me.' harry says, firmly. 'do me now.' 

zayn smiles because _of course_ harry is a bit demanding and selfish in bed. it's not surprising at all. 

but then zayn is licking a broad stripe up the underside of harry's dick, long and hot, and he can _feel_ harry twitching. when he gets tot the head, there's already a tiny bead of precome that zayn slurps right up before sucking harry down. 

'bed.' louis whines. 'you said bed.'

'yeah.' zayn mutters, pulling off harry with a pop. 'yeah, bed.' 

harry and louis each grab one of zayn's arms and haul him up and they all tumble onto the bed, together. niall is already slurping happily on liam, mouth stretched wide around him, and a finger working it's way into his hole. 

'you have no patience.' harry giggles. 'seriously, guys? did you even get the lube.'

'n-no lube.' liam stutters, and he's making tiny little thrusts into niall's mouth, and louis isn't sure he's ever seen anything so _fucking hot_ in his entire life. 

harry rolls all over the bed until he gets to the nightstand and gropes around blindly. louis loses a bit of focus as zayn starts sucking a nice, big love bite on louis' collarbone, but then harry is rolling back towards them. he flips the lid on the lube and drizzles it over niall's fingers. 

'thanks, hazza.' liam breathes, and there's a hum from niall that makes liam let out a moan that's simply pornographic. 

'louis, what do you want?' harry asks, settling against his back. 'you have to tell us.'

'anything.' louis murmurs. 'everything.'

'wanna fuck him.' niall calls, and louis just nods. 

'yeah, that.' louis agrees as zayn moves from his collarbone to his nipples. 

'get him ready, haz?' zayn asks. 'yeah?'

'yeah.' harry slicks his fingers up, and then presses one against the tight furl of louis' hole. 'yeah.'

he rubs around it, softly, until louis starts to relax, and then sneaks it in. 

'and you can suck me.' zayn says. 'while you fuck liam, yeah?'

'yeah.' harry uses his free hand to grab himself, tight around the base of his cock, so he doesn't nut off at zayn's words. 'yeah, i can do that.'

'that's my boy.' zayn smiles at him over louis. 

harry wiggles his finger a bit and it's _tight_ and _hot_ and _perfect_. 

'more harry, do more.' louis demands. 

harry presses another finger along the first one and louis tenses, but harry doesn't give up. he works it in, slowly, and crooks his finger just right as he gets them in there. 

louis moans something incoherent, and liam's getting louder. 

harry looks over just as niall's pulling away and yanking hard at liam's happy trail. 

'if you come now, you'll be too sensitive when harry fucks you and it'll hurt.' niall says, firmly. 'and harry's going to fuck you either way.'

harry likes how firm niall is with liam. he's not really like that with harry, but he pushed liam just right, knows how to tick at his nerves until liam's goo. but he's right. liam gut's uber sensitive after he comes, and sometimes just the sheets on his skin hurt too much, let alone another body. liam will appreciate niall in half an hour. 

liam just squirms and locks eyes with harry. 'hazza.' he begs, voice pitchy with need. 'fuck me, please.'

'you'll have to wait your turn.' harry says firmly. 

niall pushes zayn out of the way and starts nuzzling along louis' chest. 

'gonna fuck you so good.' niall murmurs. 'can't wait to feel your ass around me. gonna be perfect.'

'harry do more.' louis' squirming constantly against' harry's hand, trying to buck back and get _more_. harry obliges and slips in another fingers, stretching and pulling and opening louis up. 

zayn is at liam now, sucking at a spot just under liam's ear. they're pretty together, dark and pale and opposites, and liam is moaning zayn's name. 

'almost done, haz?' niall asks. 

'yeah.' harry could probably stop, now. niall's not small, by any means, but he is the _smallest_ out of all of them. harry's used to stretching to fit around him, and louis' probably plenty stretched to take niall. 'yeah, you can go, now.' 

harry moves from louis to liam, thrusts his fingers in where niall's already got him lose and pliant. 

'you ready?' he asks liam. 

'yeah, now, haz.' liam begs. 

harry pushes his legs up, knees to his chest, and reaches down to guide his cock in. liam's tight, like he always is, and the first slide in his harry's breath catching in his throat. he gives a couple of little thrusts in and out to get him a bit more lose and then he pauses. 

'has, move.' liam demands. 

'wait.' harry says. 'wanna watch them, yeah?'

zayn is getting in position, stand over liam so his dick is right near harry's mouth. but they all pause and turn to look at niall and louis. 

niall's got louis' on his back, and three fingers fucking into him. louis' eyes are squeezed shut, but he looks happy and ready and then niall's lining up, hooking louis' legs over his arms and pushing in so slowly. 

there's a collective silence and they literally moan simultaneously. harry thrusts, involuntarily, into liam, and it's harder than he usually does, but then liam's tightening around him. 

'that's it, harry.' liam's breathing out. and zayn's cock is right in front of harry's face and looks perfect and harry absolutely has to lean forward and suck it down, no preamble allowed 

zayn threads his fingers through harry's curls, uses his leverage to fuck lightly into harry's wide mouth. it's a beautiful sight, really, looking down and seeing harry's pretty mouth wrapped around zayn's dick. more than a beautiful sight, more like a heavenly sight. 

zayn fucks harry's mouth, gently, as harry fucks fiercely into liam and they've got a rhythm going.

harry can't exactly see what niall's doing, and he wishes he could because it's louis' first-fucking-time, but he can hear and it sounds like it's going splendidly. he wants to finish first though, get zayn and liam there with him, so that they can all watch the first time that louis comes on someone's dick. 

so harry adjusts the angle of his hips a bit until liam's positively writhing beneath him, and sucks harder as zayn fucks into his mouth, drags his teeth a bit, when he's pulling out, and he can feel it as zayn loses his rhythm and liam's tightening around him. 

harry's actually pretty proud when they come almost simultaneously, zayn spilling in his mouth just seconds before liam's spilling over his and harry's tummies. zayn pulls out, gets a bit of it on harry's cheek, then collapses next to liam to kiss him as harry thrusts two-three-four more times, before he's coming too, thrusting deep into liam and staying there as he shoots into liam. 

he pulls out, carefully, and falls to liam's other side, presses a kiss to his neck, but they're all turning to watch niall finish louis. liam's shivering and harry wants to hold him, but he knows the best thing to do is give him a bit of space. he does reach over, though, and thread his pinky through liam's and liam sighs, deeply. 

'okay?' harry whispers, softly, eyes never leaving louis. 

'mhm.' liam's eyes are heavy, but he's blinking a lot and trying to focus on the other. 

harry knew it was good to let niall go first. he's the most conciensious of all of them, especially in bed. he's jerking louis in time with his thrusts, and he's doing this little grind in that harry knows from experience is hitting louis' prostate right as he does a little flick of his wrist at the head of louis' cock. he's pretty much got louis bent in half as he's licking softly into louis' mouth, and louis looks so totally fucked up and beautiful harry feel's his cock flicker in interest. 

'niall - ni - ni - i'm gonna - ' louis breathes. 'i'm gonna - '

'yeah, babes, do it.' niall squeezes louis' cock, right at the head, and that's pretty much it. he's coming spectacularly on his own chest and niall's shuddering above him, thrusting as deep as he can and tensing and coming, too. 

it's maybe the most beautiful thing harry's ever seen. 

niall presses soft kisses along louis' jaw before he slips out, and folds himself into louis' side. 

they're all silent. 

harry's a bit awestruck, but he's still got an eye on liam who looks entirely overwhelmed. 

'li, you okay?' harry nuzzles close, just a breath of air between their skin. 

liam shakes his head, writhes uncomfortably on the sheets. 

'what's wrong?' harry's concerned now, and liam looks so fucking desperately uncomfortable that harry doesn't know what to do. 

'i don't know.' harry reaches for him, and the others are still pretty blissed out, and this is louis' _first time_ and he doesn't want to ruin it for him. 

'li, talk to me.' harry murmurs. 'what is it?'

'i don't know.' liam sounds utterly broken. 

'okay, come on.' harry pulls him towards the edge of the bed. 'let's get you in the shower, yeah?'

liam just sort of sobs a bit, but nods, and the others are looking at them, but harry just smiles at them and pulls liam into his arms. 

harry's actually a lot stronger than he looks, and liam's not small by any means, but harry can carry him. so harry picks him up and it's clearly too much for liam as he buries his face in harry's shoulder and actually sobs. 

'li?' niall calls. 'you okay?'

'we're just going to shower.' harry says, firmly. 'you guys stay here. we'll be back.'

and then harry's kicking the door to the bathroom open. he sets liam on the closed toilet and he turns to bath. liam is shuddering, full-body, wracking jerks that is just a little bit unnerving. harry gets the water running, not cold, but barely even warm, and then he slides liam in. 

the relief is almost immediate, and as soon as liam hits the water, his body settles. his eyes are still a little freaked out, and his breathing is still harsh, but the wracks settle and slow. 

harry relaxes as liam does, and now he doesn't take his hand away because this is when liam needs reassurance 

'okay?' harry asks, after a bit. liam's got his eyes closed, but harry knows he's not asleep. 

liam nods. 'i'm sorry.'

'no, it's fine, li.' 

'i ruined it for louis.'

'you definitely didn't. did you see him come? it was sort of spectacular.'

liam breaks into a small smile and nods. 

they're both quiet again, and when liam is finally boneless and relaxed in the water, harry pulls the plug. he grabs a fluffy towel, and held liam up and out of the tub. when he's leaning against the sink harry dries him, carefully. 

'that was a bad one.' harry whispers as he dries liam's feet. 'we have to work on that.'

'i'm sorry.' liam says again, looking guilty. 

'no, it's not a bad thing. it's that maybe you need extra care after we're done, and we haven't quite been doing that. but if i know what i need to do, i can help you, li.'

'i don't - i don't want to be a bother.'

harry frowns up at him. 

'never a bother.' harry says firmly. 'we'll figure it out, eventually.'

'don't leave.' liam murmurs as harry stands and wraps him in a hug. 'don't give up on me.'

'never.' harry promises. 

he leads them back to the bed and zayn's got the room mostly cleaned up. there are five piles of neatly folded clothes and niall and louis are tucked into the far side, both sound asleep. niall's been ere with liam before, and he knows that harry's got it under control, that harry takes care of everything. 

'okay?' zayn asks, softly. 

'tired.' liam smiles. 'glad louis' home.'

'sleep?'

harry and liam both nod. zayn climbs in the bed next to louis, and then liam and then harry, last. they all snuggle under the heavy duvet and harry turns out the light. 

lois shuffles in his sleep, nuzzles into zayn's back. zayn's got an arm across liam's tummy, as does harry. harry nuzzles into liam's neck, and they're all quiet. 

harry can pinpoint when each of them falls into a deep sleep, and harry knows he's the only one left. 

he wants to sleep because his body is _exhausted_ but he's so _happy_ his mind won't let him. this is the start of what he's always been waiting for. this is what he's always wanted. 

he's got all four of his boys, and he's never letting them go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a nifty little option below where you can leave a comment! Let me know what you think, good or bad. I'd really appreciate it!

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, so far, there's a nifty little comment section below!
> 
> xx


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